Wednesday, October 26, 2005

it's okay to be afraid

I had a great day of writing yesterday. I met my word count goal for the day. What does that mean in the grand scheme of things? I’m back on track for where I had hoped to be this week. I just might meet my ambitious (insane/unrealistic) goal by Sunday. Wonder of wonders aside, there is something I’d like to touch upon in today’s post. I need to get something off my chest. I have this interesting hang up and thought, hell, it may be beneficial for me to share it (with the two people that might actually read this blog).

I have a deep rooted fear of the kick ass scene.

Here’s the breakdown: I come up with the idea for a scene. Pleased with myself, I find this idea to be particularly fetching. I see the action unfolding clearly in my head. As I sit down to write, part of me suddenly becomes deathly afraid at the prospect of putting this scene on paper. My fingers lock and I lose all mastery of the English language. I’m not exactly sure where this fear comes from. I do that the place is likely dark, dank, and really annoying. It may be from the “fear of starting a project I wont finish” days (of mostly yore). It might not stop me entirely, but it’s plenty enough to stall me. Fifteen minutes worth of lost time might not seem like a huge deal, but my time is almost always short. So, what do I do in this stalling period? Usually, I tinker around on the internet. I check my email, go to a few pages, check my email again, hit refresh a few times, and that’s generally it. I’m not sure why, but it’s comforting. When that little ritual is complete, I push ahead. A couple of thousand words later, the scene is done.

Either I need to put this fear to rest…or disable my wireless card.

In other news, I was able to drag myself out of bed this morning around 6:00am again (okay, it was more like 6:20). The after effects of too much wine the night before were largely responsible for a slow and painful start. I didn’t think it was going to be a good morning. Fortunately, my brain decided to get into gear I got some really cool stuff onto the paper.

Current word count: 16,083.

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